Sunday Night Bites: April 2009

There is good news and bad news to this "Sunday Night Bites" enterprise. First things first, make no mistake about it, the true source of information as it pertains to this venture will come from me, Trader Ralph Bristol. I was warned by sources that wish to remain anonymous that it is possible that Jac and Ryan are going to reveal a bit too much about certain recipies and techniques used by area restaurants. I've spoken to high level sources across the board who all suggest that given market conditions and today's frugal economy that this blog may spread like wildfire. Think there are a few area restauranteurs who might find things getting a bit too hot in the kitchen? These are powerful people with powerful connections, and they are not likely to go quietly. But here's the Straight Dope, Jac and Ryan are OF THE PEOPLE, they stand for freedom; freedom of information, freedom of choice, and the freedom to cook their favorite dishes without leaving their homes (or atleast in Ryan's case, by walking down the street).

This is where I come in. For I am Trader Ralph Bristol and my God given mission in life is to go to the grocery store and give you The Straight Dope. I love going to the store. First of all you get a real sense of community at the grocery store. We don't get this in so many aspects of our life like we used to. Years ago, you could get a sense of community at the bank, the post office, video store, gas station, etc, etc... But nowadays nobody goes there anymore, except for losers and freaks and they make these places way to busy too tolerate. So I love going to the grocery store. Sometimes I meet up with Jessica Alba and get my picture taken with her. Sometimes I go to one store, and then to another, because well... I'm cheap and "we" have very specific needs. There's one place I really like, they have great service, selection, and a wide variety of exotic products for like real chefs and stuff. But God forbit you just want a good price on pita bread or sour cream. They charge way too much for basic items, but I suppose they have to, in order to pay for a clean store, good service, and knowledgable people. Man they have some good prepared foods too! Try the baked potatoes, spinach pasta salad, turkey pablano chili cakes, or crusted chicken strips. They also can charge a premium because people feel richer, more attractive, and cooler when they go there, because like celebrities shop there, so that makes them cool too. Also, try their steak and chicken skewers sometime. So right across the street is this other place, they have lousy service, no one will even make eye contact with you, the parking lot is too crowded, and they frequently have long ass lines at checkout. But man do they have some good prices on some stuff. Also they do cool sales, and I get these rewards that make me feel really good about all the money I'm saving. It feels great... until I try to get out of the damn parking lot. Then there's this other place that's like far away. They have lots of interesting items, kind of like the first place, and the losers who work there all seem to really enjoy their jobs. It's kinda scary really, I'm not sure what cult like doctrine they are feeding these people, but it's pretty clear they are not aware they are working at a grocery store; they like their jobs way to much! The problem is that the people who shop there annoy the living crap out of me. They are all so damn self righteous, and you can just smell it on them. "Organic" this and "Whole Grain" that and "Non Corporate" this and "Vegan" that. Enough already. They think they are smarter, healthier, and more eco friendly than everyone else. Here's the straight dope... people you know will live to the ripe old age of 85 eating red meat, processed sugar, smoking cigarettes, drinking whiskey, and eating all the Big Macs they like. Do you really think it's going to make a difference whether your tomatoes or organic or not? I seriously doubt anyone has ever heard a doctor say, "if only he'd eaten organic". Get over yourselves. Also, they don't carry lots of simple stuff. Hey if you want nuts, they have like 55 different kinds, but if you want brown onions, sometimes you are out of luck and havbe to settle for eggplant. They have some cool beer and wine too.

Other times I find one trip a day just isn't enough, so I go back, because you never know when you are going to need more limes. So I like to go to one store, then the other, then come home, and then go back to re-visit my community. Alas, Jessica forgot to meet me back later like I told her too, I guess the baby was slowing her down. Busy Busy!!!

So this week I made Mojitos in the style of our favorites from Canal Club (http://www.jamesbeach.com/canal_index.php) in Venice. Man I really enjoy this place. They have good Sushi, great round booths, and this waiter who's from like Transylvania and he always remembers us and comes by even when he isn't our server. Jac loves their Mojitos so I set out to replicate. The first key is to get your hands on some good fresh mint. The primo priced store is good for this, and sometimes you can find it at the cheap store but sometimes not, but I would never in a million years try to find it at the alt. store because it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, and often times that haystack doesn't carry said needles. Now the next thing you need is a good muddler, this is not a small foreigner who's not afraid to get dirty, nor is it a pesky relative who wants to know how she can screw things up, this is a muddler. It's like hammer that you grind the mint leaves into the bottom of the glass. I put a splash of simple syrup in the glass with the mint before muddling because I find it works well. Simple syrup is also known as rock sugar syrup, and is basically sugar water, you can make it yourself, but I tend to buy this at the expensive store because it's worth it. Oh yeah, and keep it cold once you open it, because otherwise it will grow stuff inside. So once you've get your mint muddled, you want to add a bit of fresh lime juice, that's right, start squeezing. Use a whole lime for one drink, andtry to get some of the bits of lime to drop into the glass it adds a bit of texture and they are fun to sip out and chew on later. Now add your rum, I go for a light rum and prefer Bacardi, but I am by no means a rum expert. I'm not really an expert at anything in fact, except perhaps Notre Dame football recruiting, bad movies, and conventional baseball strategy. I don't know anyone who knows more about any of these topics than me. I don't mean to sound arrogant. But anyway, put a healthy shot of your favorite rum in the glass then throw in some ice, and lastly fill with about twice as much club soda. Something really strange happened this weekend by the way at the expensive store. They were out of club soda. No big bottles, no two liters, no generic or pricey foreign stuff, no little bottles, nothing. But, true to form I found an English speaking man (who was busy doing something else) who happily put down what he was doing to find me some club soda in back. I don't know why they had such a run on club soda, maybe the kids are huffing it or something these days. Or perhaps Jessica Alba really likes club soda, but the point is they solved my problem and for that I really didn't care what the club soda cost. Sucker! Now stir your drink and let some of the mint leaves rise to the middle, but it's best if they stay right below the ice. Straw or no straw... Sip and enjoy in all weathers.

Oh yeah, the swordfish kicked ass (whatever she put in that sauce should be illegal or at least a sin), the broccolini didn't really look all that appetizing, and besides who had room for that when there was an endless supply of delicious fried balls of cheese and risotto.

All in all, I give the meal 3 and a half stars, with points off for the brocollini, but bonus points for the fish and balls, and the mojito was just decent.